Heart of Stone

Release Date

11th August 2023

Should I watch this movie?

Our girl Gal Gadot steps into the formidable shoes of Rachel Stone, the lone operative tasked with safeguarding a powerful global asset, yet despite her best efforts, this spy flick lands with the predictable thud of a fashion faux pas you saw coming from a mile away. From the moment the 'twists' started twisting, it was less a surprise and more a gentle nod of 'yep, knew that was coming,' making the whole experience feel like a well-worn rom-com plot, while the stunts, bless their hearts, mostly recycled moves we've seen a hundred times. And then there's Alia Bhatt's much-hyped Hollywood debut, which, bless her heart, felt less like a grand entrance and more like someone accidentally wandered onto the wrong set, especially when her 'core villain' character amounted to little more than a pretty face getting metaphorically slapped around. So, while Gal Gadot absolutely slays in her spy gear, the film itself is ultimately a cinematic equivalent of elevator music – perfectly fine for a fleeting moment, but completely unmemorable once the doors close.

Oh, Stone, darling, always making a scene! After a rather stern talking-to from her superior, Nomad, for daring to risk her precious cover over some intriguing hacker she spotted in the Alps, our intrepid agent soon uncovers the mysterious figure to be Keya Dhawan, a rather tragic orphan with a decidedly dramatic backstory involving Indian criminal syndicates. Naturally, Stone's shadowy organization, "the Charter" (which poor Bailey only suspects exists, bless his cotton socks), decides to play a little game, leaking Keya's location to MI6 and sending them off to track her, with Stone still delightfully undercover. Of course, upon their grand arrival, they're promptly ambushed by a squad of very un-chic mercenaries, prompting Jack to order Stone to evacuate, but our heroine, in a moment of pure cinematic flair, dramatically refuses, sacrificing her cover to save the entire team. After their narrow escape, Stone finally reveals her true colours, announcing she's a Charter agent, as if anyone hadn't already pieced together that particular puzzle from the sheer whiplash-inducing plot. Honestly, the movie springs back and forth so much, you'd have more fun watching it tipsy; if you managed to sit through this in a cinema without falling asleep, darling, congratulations on your superhuman endurance.

Main Cast

Gal Gadot, Jamie Dornan, Alia Bhatt, Sophie Okonedo and Matthias Schweighöfer

Performance

Well, bless their hearts, the ensemble cast of that particular spy caper delivered performances so utterly uninspired, it was truly a spectacle of theatrical ineptitude. Our little'mastermind (Alia Bhatt) hacker,' bless her cotton socks, spent most of the film looking like a bewildered penguin caught in a wind tunnel, hardly the formidable intellectual the script pretended she was. And Gal Gadot? Oh honey, she was just doing her usual 'I'm a strong, stoic woman who barely changes expression' routine, practically wearing her invisible Wonder Woman tiara throughout, as if she forgot she was playing a different character entirely. As for Jamie Dornan, dear me, it seemed he was simply reciting his lines directly from a pop-up book, stiff and unconvincing, as though the emotional depth of the scene was a concept entirely foreign to him. So, if you're looking for genuine talent and engaging portrayals, darling, you'd best look anywhere but at this particular cinematic endeavor, where the performances were, frankly, dreadful.

Production

Directed by Tom Harper. Screenplay by Greg Rucka and Allison Schroeder. Story by Greg Rucka. Produced by David Ellison, Dana Goldberg, Don Granger, Gal Gadot, Jaron Varsano, Bonnie Curtis and Julie Lynn

Music & Soundtracks

Music by Steven Price.

Fun Fact

Oh, sweetie, it seems that Heart of Stone truly had a bit of a tumble, landing squarely on those "Worst Films of 2023" lists and proving to be a rather major disappointment for the year. Variety's discerning critic, Owen Gleiberman, didn't mince words, ranking it as the 5th worst and sighing over its rather flimsy storytelling and performances that, bless their hearts, just couldn't quite ignite, completely missing the mark in a genre absolutely brimming with fabulous competition. One might imagine that with principal photography jet-setting from the picturesque Alpin Arena Schnals to the bustling charm of London, then off to the cool mystique of Reykjavík, and finally the sun-drenched beauty of Lisbon, they’d have captured enough sparkle to make a gem. But alas, even such a glamorous production couldn't save it, ultimately leaving us with more of a cinematic shrug than a thrilling adventure.